My stomach problem came back again...
Just like last yr during ramadhan...dis yr...again but even worse dis time...
I still remember how i actually got hospitalised on the 3rd day of raya,...
And i remembered how sweet of AYU to stay by my side accompanying me at TTSH the whole day till almost midnite...
How terrible things happened last yr....erm if u guys still remember jop broke up w me at dat point of time too...I was terribly in PAIN...

Aniway , back to my current moment...
First week of fasting was kinda ok but suddenly d pain started again...
I dun tink its gastric...cos actually i so hav dis tummy pain occasionally even before ramadhan ..
Just dat now it makes a slight difference because its a challenge for me to keep on fasting or not w my condition .

Dis is how my tummy pain goes...
Previously , i get d attack on d lower left side of d abdomen usually in d evenings...
I avoided dinner n supper at times becos d pain got even worse after meals in d evenings..
It was just a mth ago wen i had a dinner w my cousin , kak lena n sis at NEWTON while d pain came ....so unbearable dat my cousin had to drive my car home while i lay down at d backseats...
For d past few days...i get dis pain even in d morning , day and basically anytyme of d day...
Now...not only on d left side of d tummy but also spreaded up all d way near to my rib cage...
Each time i take a breath in...i feel d pain...its terrible..

I am sick n tired of seeing different doctors giving all sorts of ASSUMPTIONS of my condition..
Sum clinic GPs said gastric , the ones in TTSH said stomach infection , sum even said due to lactose intolerant and d recent one....hmmmm said might be due to Pelvic disorder...s many theories....i really dunno which is d ryte one..
But i noe i have been suffering for more than a year and i want to noe wat is really wrong with me....

I hope dis time i will really find out...
Cos now i got referred to SGH for a thorough check and stomach scan .
If neccessary , i wud also be advised to c a gynae at SGH...

All this while i have been hiding all d yummy pain n ache frm jop becos i dun want him to worry.
He alwiz get paranoid as he read up a lot abt d symptoms i had and alwiz tink of d worst possibilities of conditions dat could happen to me...
This time i just couldnt hide anymore..
He found out becos i just couldnt bear d pain at times while i am driving or simply while sitting down watching d tv.
He wud ask whenever he sees me lookin restless..."ur tummy pain again?"
In fact now , i feel more relieved dat i hav him by my side alwiz tryin to comfort my pain and make me feel more at ease.

I am feeling v worried now...because of many diff reasons...
First , i am bz preparing for d wedding and need to save money for d various expenses .
I am also supposed to sit for an operation to get rid of d bunion deformity on both my feet after d wedding which is goin to cost me abt almost 4k-8k and now dis tummy problem...
I just hope i wun be a burden to jop..
I havent been wantin to tell him abt my pain becos i dun want him to tink too much..
But its eating me up inside...
Each time he start to talk abt things after d WEDDING like HONEYMOON , NEW HOUSE & STARTING A FAMILY....i feel v sad deep inside becos i noe my poor health condition is goin to cause sum hindrance to all these...

Now i am working so hard , teaching at SOTA , coaching n choreographing d dances at schools and also do part time at d saloon n freelance makeup just to save lots of money not dat i am greedy but i hav so many things i noe i hav to save up for in future...

Jop doesnt noe of all dis worries i am having...
All he noes...and wat we r focussing on ryte now is d wedding preparations..
It really touches me just now wen i was driving after meeting d logistic pple who r supplying tentages , tables n chairs for my wedding because jop mentioned , " I am so glad i am goin to marry you cos u always make all d preparations so easy w all yr contacts within yr finger tips and able to source for so many things within a short time . I wudnt noe wat to do all by myself.."

I just smiled while i tell myself in my heart how much i really love THIS GUY and dat is d reason y i want TO MAKE OUR DREAM come true...MAKE HIM HAPPY and not worry abt anything...
Of course d preparations r not so simple like he thought...becos i had so many sleepless nights preparing the guest lists , looking for design ideas for every single thing , etc...

At the end of d day...
I am doin everything because....I LOVE HIM..